We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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