im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
