Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
