best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
