I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hippo gnu deer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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