That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
COCAINE IS GR8
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
