I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
