That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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