You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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