She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
