At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
