he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
