There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
