My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
