Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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