your room smells of hookers.
And success
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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