i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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