MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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