Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
