we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
