so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My feet surprised me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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