remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
