So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
