drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
