In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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