What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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