I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
