if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
