we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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