I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
