Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
