She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
