Will you blow on my dice?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
