dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
