Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
