she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
