somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There r osticjed everywhere
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
