i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
