i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
