You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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