We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
