in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
