Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
