You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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