His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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