you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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