he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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