The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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