i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
