i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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