but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
