You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
